The Bagpipe Society

2025 Blowout Competition Rules

All are warmly invited to take part in the Friday night competition, which is open for soloist and group entries. The theme this year is

BRUSH UP YER WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!

It is a well-known, but poorly documented fact, that William Shakespeare greatly admired the bagpipes, and some deranged experts even believe that he himself played them and may well have been one of the finest pipers of the Elizabethan Era. His natural personal modesty about his piping prowess might explain why his plays are littered with so few bagpipe quotations about The Mother Instrument. A palpable piping clue comes in Hamlet Act 3 Scene 2 where he gives the uncomprehending Guildenstern a precise and truly incomprehensible lesson on how to play the pipe.

The Challenge

Contestants are encouraged to search through their flimsy memory of the works of the Bard and see how they inspire you to pipe something suitably Shakespearean (or possibly non- Shakespearean). A tune…. a song…. a parrot.

Solanio- Some that will evermore peep through their eyes And laugh like parrots at a bagpiper

The Merchant of Venice - Act 1, Scene 1

Shylock- And others, when the bagpipe sings i’ th’ nose, Cannot contain their urine.

The Merchant of Venice - Act 4 Scene 1

Shylock- Why he, a woolen bagpipe; but of force Must yield to such inevitable shame.

The Merchant of Venice Act 4 Scene 1

Falstaff- S’blood, I am as melancholy as a gib cat or a lugged bear… Yea, or the drone of a Lincolnshire bagpipe.

Henry IV part 1 Act 1 Scene 2

Judging

• This will be conducted scientifically in collaboration with the audience.
• Shakespearian misquotations. Points may be added or deducted for the accuracy of any Shakespearian misquotations.
• Extra points may be arbitrarily awarded to contestants who choose to ignore any of these Rules/Guidelines for personal reasons or for practical matters of hygiene.
• Laughter. Extra points may be arbitrarily awarded for anyone who convincingly laughs like a parrot at a bagpiper.
• Smiles. Points may be deducted for any hideously inappropriate non-Shakespearean smiles.
• Urine. Pipers and audience are exhorted to contain their urine throughout the entire competition.
• Heinous Behavior. If anyone’s behavior is heinous, they can be sure exactly where they may be kicked.

Prizes!

Valuable Prizes will be awarded lavishly.

This year every competitor is guaranteed a winner!

Julian Goodacre, Poona, 22nd Jan 2025